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Dealing with Difficult People and Choosing the Negative Card
By: Judy Esmond

Dealing with difficult people means coping with difficult people with certain personalities that you'll find in the whole pack of Dealing with People Cards. One of those in the pack is one of my personal favorites that I call the Negative Norms.

SO WHO ARE THESE FRUSTRATING HUMAN BEINGS?

Having discussed Negative Norms before let's just summarize who they are. They are really as they sound, that is totally negative and so is everyone and everything to them. In working with difficult people such as this, they will tell you that everything that has been tried has failed miserably.

COPING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE AND THE NEGATIVITY TEST

But how can you understand if you are dealing with this type of person? In other publications, we've considered using what I have termed the Negativity Test. To really know if you are dealing with difficult people that are Negative Norms use the Negativity Test. But to make it very effective use this 3 step strategy with the test.

STEP ONE IN TESTING IT ALL OUT - KEEPING THOSE NOTES

Here is how it operates. Over the coming 3 to 4 weeks write down all the positive and negative words that this person uses. When you hear them speaking keep some notes of the words they say.

LOOK AND SEE IF THE PATTERNS ARE THERE

But you do need to write these words down to see a pattern over time. Otherwise, you may be simply reacting badly to an occasional negative comment from this person. After all, we all feel down at times. You also do need to be around them on a regular basis to gather enough words for your test.

STEP TWO AND SO WHICH WORDS CAN YOU SEE

At the conclusion of this period of time, up to 4 weeks, sit down and examine closely the words. Is there a clear pattern of negative words outweighing the positive comments. Or can you see an even balance between pessimistic and optimistic words?

WELL, WHAT CAN YOU SEE WITH THESE WORDS?

If you do find a balance in both types of words, then you do not have a Negative Norm on your hands. You are certainly reacting to someone who is not totally negative but is very stressful and anxiety producing.

STEP THREE LOOKING INTO THE NEGATIVITY WORDS

But what if these pessimistic words seriously outweigh the positive comments? Then you need to also look at the strength of these words used by this person. Many of us use negative words at times but the true Negative Norms consistently use very emotionally charged pessimistic words.

WHAT YOU WOULD SAY AND WHAT THEY WOULD SAY

For instance, you could be thinking negatively about trying to do some sort of activity. You could use words like uncertain, unsure or challenge to explain how you feel. But these people would have more emotional words such as impossible, failure and disaster to describe their perspective.

17 WORDS YOU MIGHT HAVE LISTED

So look more deeply at the negative words that are listed. Here is a list of 17 words that are very popular with them. The words are: disappointed, hard, concerned, upsetting, unable, distressed, worried, gloomy, undoable, uncooperative, impossible, troubled, offended, unlikely, problematic, improbable and failure. And this is only the beginning of their consistently pessimistic language.

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE TEST FOR NEGATIVITY

So if you really want to know if you have been dealt the Negative Norm card from the pack, try this test. Try this 3 step test and find out if you are really living with or working with difficult people who are Negative Norms. If you are, then get ready. You're going to need even more effective strategies and techniques for dealing with difficult people.

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So what are your thoughts on dealing with these difficult people? We have lots more great ideas to share. As a leading international expert in the field of dealing with people, Dr Judy Esmond invites you to get a free copy of her quick read book on Dealing with Difficult People: 17 Ideas on How to Deal with Difficult People by clicking on the website link now www.nodifficultpeople.com

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